Yesterday I learned something important, and got reminded of something even more important!
My boyfriend and I had gone to Waffle House to get breakfast. We hadn’t been eating long when all of a sudden a woman fell less than 4 steps away from us. She was an older lady and her daughters immediately rushed towards her. As soon as one of them lifted her head to make sure she was okay, we saw blood pooling on the ground beneath her. My stomach immediately turned into knots. Before we knew it, people were screaming to call 911 and a kind man from the other side of the restaurant brought over his oxygen tank. The staff were rushing around trying to figure out how they could help while still doing their jobs. It was chaos. One of her daughters was on the phone with what I assume was the ambulance answering their questions and every few sentences or so she would rush to speak to her mom again saying she was okay and asking everyone to pray. I already had my hands clasped in stress and went ahead and prayed. I don’t know if I’ve ever prayed during an emergency before. I felt tears running down my hands and the panic in my chest was beginning to rise. When I opened my eyes the woman was already so much paler and she was asking where she was. I had to get out of there. I looked to my boyfriend and asked if we could just go. We hadn’t eaten much but I didn’t want to ask any of the workers for a to go box or anything because I knew there were obviously much bigger things going on. We go to pay and leave. As soon as we get to the car I start panic weeping crazy hard. I’m a naturally very emotional person but even the sound of myself gasping for breath before letting out another cry scared me a little. The whole way home my boyfriend kept just telling me to breathe and assuring me everything was okay and holding my hand. I’m not sure why it shook me so hard. It wasn’t my mom. It’s not like it was this crazy traumatic scene in a movie where a person with a gun comes in and starts shooting people in the face. But I was OVERCOME with fear. I prayed constantly in my head asking God to be with those women and the doctors and eventually I had to start asking for Him to be with me too! I needed Him to give me peace over the situation. I needed Him to take this death-claw-grip of fear out of my chest so I could breathe! Suddenly I started to recall a few (of the very many) verses where God tells us not to fear for He is with us.
I realized that a-I’m a terrible person to rely on in the case of an emergency. And b-what it must be like for people to lose someone in such a tragic sudden way.
I’ve finally come to a place in my life where I no longer believe that my grief is less than others. However, I do consider myself grateful to not have had to encounter such…closeness to the brevity of life when it comes to loss. I mean I halfway decided against kids on the way home because the fear of losing someone like that was just so raw and massive in that moment.
So for those of you who have encountered similar loss, huge huge prayers going up for you because I’m truly not sure how anyone could ever insist that you can come back from that. And also just a reminder that God Is indeed always with us. And I believe it’s a beautiful thing how much He reminds us of that and how He wants us to know it so deeply and confidently that maybe we won’t fear in moments of shock and loss.
Prayers are definitely wanted for that family because I’m not sure how it all turned out, but either way the hands of God are the ones needed the most for them right now.
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