What Do You Say To Someone Who's Hurting?

My grandmother is someone who has been transformed by grief. As our relationship has gotten better and everything I’ve noticed that losing my dad at such a young age and not being able to deal with her grief because she had to take care of my uncles (his brothers) and then me and my cousins and just whoever else needed help has hurt her so much. I think maybe she worked so much partly because she had to in order to support us, but also because it was easier being busy and distracted than addressing her pain. She’s been carrying this around for YEARS and hasn’t ever had a moment to just fall apart and try to even begin to heal. And such a huge part of that hurt has hardened her into being one of the angriest people I know. She’s also recently started experiencing anxiety/anxiety attacks and can’t even make herself go to work because she’s so afraid to leave her house. So the one thing that she used to go to for help for so long is no longer a working option. I don’t know what to say to help. Partly because I’m still her daughter/grandchild and I don’t want to sound disrespectful. And then it’s just also so out of my depth. We experienced such different grief and circumstances for the loss of the same person. At such different time periods in society too. All I know to do is pray. And I know God hears those prayers. But I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions?

As a mother, how would you be okay for your child to speak to you about your grief?

As a daughter, how have you spoken to your mother or father about their grief?

How do you tell someone you love them and that you understand that they’re hurting and want to help. While also acknowledging the fact that their pain is further hurting themselves and others?

 

I would very much so appreciate any thoughts you had on this matter. I’m not perfect and don’t think I can help “fix” her by myself. But I just want to try to help in any way that I can. I’m also so worried that by me trying to help it will hurt our relationship again. So those are just some of my concerns as of right now! Thankyou to anyone who offers me their perspective!

 

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19 comments

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Anjelica montano

Anjelica montano

I’m trying to order something for my moms passing away

ANETRA J PICKNEY

ANETRA J PICKNEY

I lost my son on December 23,2017.He was murdered..He had just turned 23 on December 20th.I just can’t seem to get it together.Im broken,angry,and loss..The pain is simply torture.I can’t find peace!My joy is gone!I would welcome death not to deal with this..

Shirl

Shirl

My life has gradually turned to a living hell the past decade. My job was terminated, I had a journey of breast cancer and chemo, with no time to completely recover my two young teen daughters became just that, TEENAGE GIRLS! Alot of discontent over boys causing estrangement, my beautiful Mother passed away, my ‘family’ dumped me like trash. I am alone and sad but determined to pick myself up and keep pluggin’ along, coz that’s what my Mommy always did! I know when we lost her it was the catalyst to all things broken. This woman was thee reason we knew love! I am grateful I beat cancer. I am grateful I was at my Mother’s side as she left us. Even her passing was beautiful! If you can imagine that being something beautiful. But I don’t know why, to save my life, WHY am I the disposable one?! The Mommy! And they threw me away. My ex-husband has some mental issues and has taught our girls how to manipulate and hate! I am not proud nor pleased with this but keep the faith as they mature they will remember the love their Gammy taught them. But for now I am a broken little old lady. I’m not as strong as I used to be so the battle is tougher. Anyone have any words of wisdom to help?

Narsey Alvizo

Narsey Alvizo

I lost my 34 year old son in 2017. My son was young healthy a 72 year old man run over him. I feel that man was not paying attention or on his cell phone. I since then dedicated my self to work, keeping my mind busy at all times. I stay strong for my other son who has lost his only brother & my 4 grandkids that my son left behind. I started having anxiety attacks due to the loss of my son & not having time to grieve. My FAITH and praying is what keeps me going. My son hugs & spending as much time with my grandkids is what keeps me going. My grandkids hugs, kisses & telling me they love me is what makes me strong. If I didn’t have my only son & my grandkids that my other son left behind I would have given up in life. The loss of a son is a pain like no other. Yes, anyone that has lost a son is very hard to keep getting up in the mornings to continue with life. It takes a lot of prayers, Faith & families love. Keeping my mind busy & time has helped me a lot. Keep telling your grandmother how much you love her & how much you appreciate her & continue praying..

Shirley Anderson

Shirley Anderson

There are no words to ease the pain of grief but, knowing someone is there for you makes a huge difference. I would start out by talking about how you feel and ask here about her feelings. I lost a child, 15 years and I am an administrator for a online support group for loss of a child. The biggest thing you can do is to be there for her .. Anger is a big part of loss of a loved one. There are so many emotions we go thru on a daily basis. We generally recommend a good support system with family and friends but, also a support group. No one understands you better than, someone that is dealing with the same kind of loss. Knowing you are not alone and your feelings are validated makes a huge difference.
I’m here to help in any way I can.

Pamela

Pamela

I’ve lose my son and had to take his three children as his wife passed away two years be for him so the children don’t have no parents only me as iam there grandmother but I don’t have time to grief for the lost of my son and I’ve got no help for them or myself as I still have two children my self

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